Best Quotes you've heard EVA!!

[Nikita]

admit it, there are alot of quotes we think is funny so why not let everyone know!! let's hear them...ok, so it might not be qoutes they can be conversations' that led to the funny moments....

MAKE ME LAUGH!! ^_^....

i was talking on the phone last night with one of my guy gay friend...

Me: you scared me shitless when you called.
My Friend: how so?
Me: i was playing Dead Space and i just got an alien pop out of nowhere and eat me alive. but then you called and i jumped 5 feet in the air. scaring the poop out of me!
Friend: haha, that's funny. what's even funnier would be that i'm standing outside of your window.
Me: no your not!
Friend: yes i am!
Me: no your not. trust me, i'm looking out my window.
Friend: haha
Me: what would be even worse though if you were really outside of my window and then you jump out with a scary mask on.
Friend: ha, i should do that then!
Me: No you better not because then i will kick the shit out of you!
Friend: Well since i know where you live, you better watch out because i just might do that to you!


>_> what a great friend...>_> it was alot funnier if you were there...but you get the jist of things!

[Urza Planeswalker]

Alright I got one!

So today I'm at work in the drive thru when a lady comes through.

Me:Good Morning May I take your order?
Customer: Yes Hi I was wondering what size is the Cinnamelt.
Me: Ummm well it's about....I'm not quite sure.*I started to make hand gestures to say well it's about this big but remember she can't even see me.*
Friend of mine on headset: Hey man it's 2 inches by 2 inches by 2 inches.
Me:...How do you even know that?
Friend of mine: I've ate a lot of them.

[Nikita]

here's another one that happened to me over the weekend at work...

Me: i feel like shit.
Friend: *pinches me* Actually, you feel like a human being to me.
Me: that was to funny! *smiles*
Friend: I thought you might like that!

[Nightingale]

Friend 1 is male, friend 2 is female.

Friend 1: I mean Santa goes into kids houses and empties his sack.
Friend 2: ...What?
Me:...I've never thought of Santa like that before.

[Adus]

I use a chat program with a number of my friends which one of them coded. He made a database to gather quotes and some have been submitted, but this is like only 2% of the funny things said there.

http://mara.dyndns.ws/quotes/?browse

A lot of them are inside jokes so they won't make sense, but there are some funny ones anyways. They will contain profanity and some may be vulgar, just to warn you. I think the only key thing you need to know in advance is we make fun of the guy called Chawk for being impossibly fat. (He's not actually fat and we have nothing against overweight people, at least not the ones who can't help it for one reason or another. If you're a pig that doesn't care about your health, you're an idiot). It just sort of became a running joke. Also along with Adus, (> '-')> Is also one of my names in the quotes. We change somewhat often.

[Nikita]

again, with me and my bestie!! we were on the phone one night and well, just read! i died from laughter...^_^

Me: hello?
Friend: What are you doing?
Me: i'm watching tv and laying in bed. Why?
Friend: Well it sounded like you were asleep.
Me: No, just watching tv and laying in bed.
Friend: Oh, okay. so do you want to come over?
Me: *thinks* Uhh...
Friend: I want you over right now!
Me: *still thinking*
Friend: GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE OR I'M GOING TO SLAP YOU THROUGH THE PHONE!
Me: *laughs* I would like to see you try that!
Friend: *slaps through the phone*
Me: I didn't feel anything.
Friend: Oh you will! First it has to go through all the wires and then to you!
Me: But it has to go through the satellite and then try to find where i am, by then, i'll be at your place.
Friend: Bitch please, i'm sure you felt it already!
Me: *waits* nope, nothing! Oh wait, i think i feel it, nope never mind. *laughing*
Friend: Shut the fuck up! *laughing as well*
Me: But i have a better plan.
Friend: What?
Me: I have an evil, diabolical plan. I will cause the entire world to laugh hysterically.
Friend: Well good luck with that. You need 50 billion people to laugh all at once.
Me: Well i never said all at once. I'll just do the individual states and then cause them to laugh.
Friend: You do that. I would love to see that done.

^it was actually alot funnier on the phone and if you were there...>_> but that's just the jist of it...

[Morbid Little Angel]

Me: It's just a stupid cyber pet. It's not real!
My Eldest Sister: A cyber pet teaches you responiblity.
Me: It's not real!
My Eldest Sister: What if it was real?
Me: ... *thinks* ... That explains alot! :escape:

"Btw most of my pets use to consist of spiders, chameleons, & secretly a baby snake. Only the chameleons survived. At least for a little while. They only live up to 2 years. I don't have any pets today due to allergies."

[TengenToppaGurrenLagann]

From GOW2 with Dizzy the tank driver.

"Whooowee its darker than a rats ass up in here. Hold on while I light betty's titty"

[Fallout]

"I don't understand...Did I just order 5 bags of spiders?...Can I get ketchup with that?"

My local radio station's morning show host (Dee) in regards to the Osbourne's new variety show (Apparently Ozzy serves at a Drive-Thru window and she was commenting on how she hardly understands people speaking through the little box most of the time.)

[Ring Slinger]

"Gay Chicken?" "Nah man I'm a straight Vegitarian"

[Umemori Genta]

"Why is it always the ass-holes who pass the test." Gibbions XXX

[Admiral Acksident]

"I'm just a figment of your imagination"

"Oh please, don't scare me like that."

[Umemori Genta]

"Betcha can't stick it."

[Admiral Acksident]

Let me say this to start!

GOMEN!!!

[Ring Slinger]

"Dude I think my balls fell asleep"

"...Don't try to wake them up in here. Please leave the room"

[Umemori Genta]

Ladies and Gentlemen:
Banana new shoe

[Urza Planeswalker]

What ya got in there Bats? Batarangs, Batclaw, BATSNACKS?! *cackles loudly*

[John Marston]

"Anyone else wanna negotiate."

[Urza Planeswalker]

"Well it's Garish, Ugly, and Derelict's have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children."

"Oh so you don't like it?"

"Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

Everyone's favorite mad clown ,the Clown Prince of Crime himself, The Joker from The Killing Joke.

[DJ Rocca]

Last year he fractured his ass doing a cannon ball into the bathtub.

[Umemori Genta]

tucker did it

[Urza Planeswalker]

Yesterday at work talking about CoD MW2.

Me:I really like playing in domination games.
My Manager:You like Dominatrix?
Me:No Domination it's a game type in...Howdy welcome to Mcdonald's can I take your order?
YES EXACT QUOTE PEOPLE >_>

[Admiral Acksident]

Me after a customer went all psycho tuesday afternoon: "He didn't eat the shiitake properly."